The Crows and the Seed P1

Yesterday you freed me from condemnation and shame and you showed me the truths about my ability, talents and identity that i allow to be plucked, stolen away from me. Oh how easily i give in to discouragement and want to quit. I'm doubting what you've said about me, what you've called me to do and be.

Someone who knows who they are in the Lord bears your name on thier forehead in everything they do, even if it's not pleasing to you or represent how you are. Your kids still have your name because they have been adopted into your vine, your household and so represent you.

I don't have it all together.
In my authorities eyes I'm disrespectful when in disagreement with how they're treating me or attempting to teach me, even if that is not my intent. I don't treat my peers with respect when they play their spiritual role of authority in my life. People don't like the way I organize and delegate tasks to them. I can't please everyone how they want so i get their scorn, complaint and back lash. I take a third person voice of criticism to heart and hurt. I feel betrayed buy those under me whom I lead and direct. And with those who are meant to be my good friends, I feel like a project they are trying to FIX and repel them. I allow lies and discouragement to steal into my heart's chambers and run away with my dreams, goals and precious confidence in who and what YOU (The LORD) say I am. I'm selective with who I open up to and so hurt my friends with the feeling of unworthiness.

Lord, how many times have people done this to you? Hurt you, offended you, yet still you don't let that stop your strength power or love from stretching out on their behalf.

TRUST, FAITH, HOPE, LOVE. Trusting in your love for me.

I get so excited when I hear the seeds of truth and know I am good soil, Broken, moist from tears, soft, and hungry. Then those seeds of truth about my identity, how I was chosen, called, selected and assigned by YOU: Almighty YOU, the KING, to do and carry out these tasks. How I've been sent as an emissary and you have equipped me, how if I fall to get back up that my strength and grace is ALREADY provided from you. Your command to be BOLD and STRONG, COURAGEOUS, RELENTLESS, FIERCE to fight...... yet_ I don't.
I take the hit, get hurt, and weakened, I back down, hide and turn my focus, my gaze from the prize to myself and became trapped in doubt about my calling and stuck in discouragement and self pity, looking at all my flaws and meditating on the ridiculousness of the idea of messed up, weak, retarded me doing great things for you GOD.
BUT it is not me anyway. You're using what the world considers impossible, foolish and ideal folly and you confound THEM by using me.

I can't let the crows come and steal my seeds. You've got plans for me and my seeds of identity and truth. Seeds to bear amazing fruit for the world. They need it. They need these seeds you've planted in me to grow. They need what will come of it. They need what you DO. What you'll do with me IN you.